I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
