I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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