Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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