Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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