Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
