This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My liver just had a heart attack.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
