And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
