So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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