mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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