Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
