just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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