I must be too annoying 4 u.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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