he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just gift wrapped bread.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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