Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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