I didn't shave. On purpose
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
