hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
