you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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