I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
