You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
