it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
