I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
