my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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