i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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