You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
