Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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