i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
