Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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