just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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