I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
