Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
