True but thats because hes a fetus.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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