Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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