Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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