So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
