apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
