party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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