I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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