when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
