I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
