no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
