We're like a lot better than the average bears
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Randomize
