My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize