I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
