There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
