So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
