So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
