Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
