I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
