If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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