maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize