can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
