And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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