I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
