what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
