The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
