It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
