I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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