Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
