no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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