i don't like sucking hair
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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