If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
