My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize