Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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