i would punch a child for taco bell
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
