That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
