Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
