Where did you get a picture of my penis
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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