I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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