Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
