I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
