my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
