this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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