I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
