Your dad touched me again.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you will always have a special place in my vag
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
