my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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