Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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