She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
