i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
