omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
