Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
