the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Everyone says I win the strip club
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
