So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
