he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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